August 31st, 2009

Scream 3



“Snoochie Boochies” and a meta-meta-send-up do not a film make. C+.

August 30th, 2009

Scream 2


First signs of strain in franchise begin to inevitably show. B-.

August 29th, 2009

Scream


Fairly smart and clever deconstruction of slasher genre. Good time. B.

August 28th, 2009

Face/Off


Worth watching if only for Travolta-Cage ham-off. Very silly movie. C.

August 27th, 2009

Resident Evil


Fairly lame video game adaptation, but not the worst either. D+.

August 26th, 2009

V for Vendetta


Decent adaptation. Not as bad as Alan Moore thinks. Enjoyable. B+.

August 25th, 2009

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian


Surprisingly unexciting for most action-packed Narnia book. Overall bit uninteresting. C+.

August 24th, 2009

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe


Easily awesome movie, given the one Narnia book worth reading. B+.

August 23rd, 2009

Leave It To Beaver


I really liked Eddie Haskell. That shows I have issues. C+.

Happy Birthday!

Today’s reviewer’s birthday. Please keep all birthday wishes at 11 words.



MORBO WISHES TO CELEBRATE YOUR EXPULSION FROM YOUR MOTHER!

Thank you Morbo.

I WILL DESTROY YOU!

August 22nd, 2009

TMNT (2007)


What an abominable and underwhelming waste of effort. More Donatello! D.

August 21st, 2009

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (Gillard, 1993)


Turtles travel through time, but are samurais not ninjas apparently? C.

August 20th, 2009

Be Cool (Gray, 2002)


Sort of makes me want to gouge my eyes out. D+.

August 19th, 2009

Care Bears Adventures in Wonderland


Loosely based on Caroll at best. Rapping disheartening. Pickled beets?! C.

August 18th, 2009

Care Bears 2: A New Generation


Somewhat disturbed mythological version of world of Care Bears. Overall, B.

August 17th, 2009

The Care Bears Movie


Talking touchy-feely bears teach about feelings. Fight evil magic book. B-.

ALTERNATE:

My summary at age 4 made preschool suspect parents Satanists. Seriously.

August 16th, 2009

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince


What’s there to say? Generally dependable, and some decent performances. B.

August 15th, 2009

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix


Probably my favorite of the franchise so far. But still... B.

August 14th, 2009

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire


Raph Finnes HATES Harry Potter, and boy does it show. B.

August 13th, 2009

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban


Alfonso Cuarón does a great job. Beginning of tone shift. B.

August 12th, 2009

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets


Probably the weakest of the franchise so far. But still... B.

August 11th, 2009

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone


Magic, mystery, Bildungsroman, dependable workhorse franchise. Overall decent filmmaking. B.

August 10th, 2009

Blue (Jarman, 1993)



The most compelling all blue movie I’ve ever seen. Seriously. B+.

August 9th, 2009

Spiderwick Chronicles


Great fantasy. Nick Nolte ALMOST makes up for The Hulk. B.

August 8th, 2009

Happiness


EWW! EWW! EWW! EWW! EWW! EWW! EWW! EWW! EWW! EWW!!!1 B.

August 7th, 2009

I Spit on Your Grave


Eww. Eww eww eww. Eww! Eww. Eww. Eww eww. Eww! C-.

August 6th, 2009

Plan 9 From Outer Space


“Stronger. You see? You see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!” D.

ALTERNATE:

Awful, but awful in a wonderful, wonderful, way. Mixed review possible. D.

August 5th, 2009

End of Evangelion


Crazy stuff be going down. Lacanian psychology, Qabalistic symbolism. Cool. A-.

August 4th, 2009

Boogie Nights


A remarkable character study. My favorite PT Anderson movie. A-.

Tangent:
Many visible San Fernando Valley landmarks. I go to the church.

August 3rd, 2009

There Will be Blood


“I drink your milkshake, it drink it all up.” Yeah. B+.

August 2nd, 2009

Bowling for Columbine


Fat socialist weasel slightly misrepresents facts. Heart in right place. B-.

August 1st, 2009

Away We Go


Ending kinda too open, otherwise very good. Great emotional experience. A-.