April 30th, 2009

Harriet the Spy


TV’s Nona F. Mecklenberg in mediocre adaptation of kid’s book. C+.

April 29th, 2009

Corrina, Corrina


Are you made of stone, sir?! If so, skip this. B.

April 28th, 2009

Watchmen


Didn’t suck, but could have been better to be sure. B+.

April 27th, 2009

Zoolander


Underrated as regular movie, overrated as cult movie. David Bowie! B.

April 26th, 2009

Total Recall


Governor of California is actually superhuman secret agent from Mars. A.

ALTERNATIVE:

Rare example of the Arnold Schwarzenagger movie that I like non-ironically. A.

April 25th, 2009

Michael Clayton


I remember this film so I don’t hate George Clooney. A.

April 24th, 2009

Happily N’Ever After


Executives: “Shrek did well, and we have celebrities. Can’t miss.” NOT! F.

April 23rd, 2009

American Beauty


At times stagey, but has some awesome moments, great screenplay. A-.

April 22nd, 2009

High School Musical III


Millions of screaming preteens love it. I’ve honestly seen better. C+.

April 21st, 2009

The Guyver


Not even Mark Hamill can save this lame anime adaptation. D.

April 20th, 2009

Half-Baked


“Abba Zabba, you my only friend.” Definitely has its moments. B.

April 19th, 2009

Dazed and Confused


Reasons for financial failure: patrons couldn’t bring bong into theater. B-.

April 18th, 2009

Up in Smoke


Started a subgenre, amazingly. Insert Cheech and Chong joke here, dude. B.

April 17th, 2009

The Big Lebowski


Always good for a laugh, but apparently being high helps. A.

April 16th, 2009

Rolling Kansas (2003)


Fun fact: apparently Oscar nominee Thomas Haden Church likes marijuana. C.

April 15th, 2009

Friday


Or: Hey, remember when Chris Tucker used to make movies? B.

April 14th, 2009

Dude, Where’s My Car?


Stupidest movie ever. But goddamn is it funny. I’m sorry. B.

April 13th, 2009

How High


Method Man and Redman get so high, get accepted to Harvard?! C-.

April 12th, 2009

Fast Times at Ridgemont High


Future multiple Oscar winner asks us to party, very classic. A.

April 11th, 2009

Coraline (Selick, 2009)


Henry Selick most Tim Burton-esque person besides Burton himself. A.

April 10th, 2009

Wayne’s World 2


Favorite parts: Jim Morrison dream and James freaking Hong. Decent. B-.

April 9th, 2009

Wayne’s World


Mike Myers begins his barrage of catchphrases. Dana Carvey awesome. B+.

April 8th, 2009

The Ladies Man (Hudlin, 2000)


Will Ferrell steals the movie. And Courvoisier. Not much else. C-.

April 7th, 2009

Stuart Saves His Family (Ramis, 1995)


A hilarious character put in un-hilarious situations. Not terribly funny. D.

April 6th, 2009

It’s Pat (Bernstein, 1994)


Trying to stretch a joke for this long bad idea. F.

ALTERNATE:

Jesus Christ, is this movie ever bad. I mean, Jesus! F.

April 5th, 2009

The Blues Brothers (Landis, 1980)


The reason we see so many half-baked SNL sketch movies. A.

April 4th, 2009

Superstar (McDonald, 1999)


Extra half a grade for the hilarious Supermodel interview segment. B.

April 3rd, 2009

Hercules (Clements and musker, 1997)


James Woods awesome, D+ in mythology, but fun and cute. B.

April 2nd, 2009

He’s Just Not That Into You (Kwapis, 2009)


I just wasn’t that into it. Not exactly my demographic. B-.

April 1st, 2009

Troll 2 (Fragasso, 1990)


Arguably the greatest cinematic wonder ever transmitted on celuloid. Ever. A+.

…

Nah, I’m just messing with you.

Unmitigated crap like this only happens rarely. OH MY GOOOOOOOODDDDD! F-.