February 28th, 2009

White Noise (Sax, 2005)


Supernatural thriller starring Michael Keaton somehow not totally awful. C+.

February 27th, 2009

Highlander: Endgame (Aarniokoski, 2000)


Have you gotten the joke yet? Can be only one. F+.

February 26th, 2009

Highlander III: The Sorcerer (Morahan, 1994)


Series of lame sequels prove really can be only one. D-.

February 25th, 2009

Highlander II: The Quickening (Mulcahey, 1991)


Series of lame sequels prove really can be only one. D.

February 24th, 2009

Highlander (Mulcahey, 1986)


Sean Connery and Christopher Lambert truly are princes of universe. B.

February 23rd, 2009

Hollow Man (Verhoeven, 1999)


Kevin Bacon invisible, but memories of movie will not disappear. D+.

February 22nd, 2009

Inspector Gadget (Kellogg, 1999)


Unfortunately, giving Dr. Claw backstory only least of many problems. F.

February 21st, 2009

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (Gillard, 1993)


The Turtles travel through time without fighting dinosaurs or pirates. D.

February 20th, 2009

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze (Pressman, 1992)


Vanilla Ice cameo. Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go. Super Shredder. B.

February 19th, 2009

War of the Worlds (Spielberg, 2005)


Tom Cruise and Steven Spielberg somehow fail at being maudlin. F.

February 18th, 2009

Beowulf (Zemeckis, 2007)


I like spectacle, and movie is certainly full of that. B+.

February 17th, 2009

Ghostbusters II (Reitman, 1989)


Not the perfect storm of the original, but perfectly good. B-.

February 16th, 2009

Ghostbusters (Reitman, 1984)


Extremely funny. I am clearly more than a little biased. B+.

February 15th, 2009

The Wizard of Oz


A great example of a bygone era. A must see. B+.

February 14th, 2009

My Bloody Valentine: 3D (Lussier, 2009)


3D gimmick does what it can to cliché riddled story. C-.

SPOILERIFFIC 11 WORDS:
Exactly what you expect, except that the black guy lives. C-.

February 13th, 2009

The Many Adventures of Winnie The Pooh (Lounsberry and Reitherman, 1977)


Bear of little brain has lovely adventures. Miss Parker disagreed. B.

REQUIRED REFERENCE:
“It is that word 'hummy,' my darlings, that marks the first place in The House at Pooh Corner at which Tonstant Weader fwowed up.”
- Dorothy Parker, review of The House at Pooh Corner, The New Yorker, October 20th, 1928

February 12th, 2009

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Barron, 1990)


Turtles fight Foot Clan, enjoy Pizza. Not much else needed. B+.

February 11th, 2009

Bolt (Howard and Williams, 2008)


John Travolta’s most nuanced performance comes playing a talking dog. B+.

February 10th, 2009

Galaxy Quest (Parisot, 1999)


Only Tim Allen movie I like without words “Buzz Lightyear.” B+.

ALTERNATE:
This is that one where Alan Rickman is all snide. B+.

February 9th, 2009

Dr. Seuss’ The Cat in the Hat (Welch, 2003)


Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

F.

February 8th, 2009

Blank Check (Wainwright, 1994)


“Hilarious circumstances” ensue in the most PG Disney way possible. C+.

February 7th, 2009

Southland Tales (Kelly, 2006)


“Kind of a mess” a supreme understatement, to be sure. D+.

February 6th, 2009

Biodome (Bloom, 1996)


They really should have left those two morons in there. D.

February 5th, 2009

Coyote Ugly (McNally, 2000)


Sort of makes me want to gouge my eyes out. D+.

February 4th, 2009

101 Dalmatians (Herek, 1996)


Cruela DeVille’s not going to be IGNORED, nor bizarre coat. C+.

February 3rd, 2009

National Lampoon’s Animal House (Landis, 1978)


Kevin Bacon nexus. Also launched million lame t-shirts. Food fight! B+.

February 2nd, 2009

High School High (Bochner, 1996)


Only parody movie of “inner city education” film. Reasonably funny. B-.

February 1st, 2009

Sin City (Miller and Rodriguez, 2006)


Noir in tone if not in spirit. Marv section strongest. B.

January 31st, 2009

Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 (Christian, 2000)


Overuse of “Star Wars Wipe” almost offensive. Anti-Psychiatry bias is so. F.